How Many Times Did We Screw?
by MizEvilBlossoms
Summary: Oneshot! How Many Times DID The S & S Li couple screw each other? XD RR! Please! And enjoy! xxx


**Ohayo! ;D**

**I just had a sudden urge to write and came up with this! '_Evil Smirks_'**

**"..." Speaking **

'…' _**Thoughts and emphasised words (Italic and sometimes bold)**_

**&--------------------------------------------------& Change of scene, time or whatever**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Cardcaptor Sakura! T.T Or this e-mail a friend sent me! The e-mail is the whole base for this one shot! XD Thanks:D**

**Hohohoho! Enjoy! XXX**

* * *

**How Many Times Did We Screw?**

It was a dark night… about eleven pm… and Syaoran Li was working late at his Li Empire Company. '_I hate these late nights_.' And geez, was he fucking exhausted. '_I want to go home._' Syaoran sighed tiredly. His sexy dark chocolate brown locks fell over his hot gorgeous amber eyes….

A whole year has passed by, thought Syaoran… a _brilliant_ year for… the Li Empire Company… Sakura's and his children at school… the Hiiragizawas with their new baby… Touya Kinomoto and his engagement to Kaho Mizuki… Fujitaka Kinomoto and his exciting discoveries on digging sites in Hong Kong… Syaoran's Mother, Yelan Li and her busy days with marrying off his four hyper sisters – '_God help their husbands!_''

And of 'course, all of their other friends like Takashi and Chiharu Yamazaki, Yukito and Nakuru Tsukishiro, Rika and Yoshiyuki Terada, Naoko and her new boyfriend who loves books as much as she does… the Sakura Cards and the Guardians… yes, they all – just all had a _fantastic_ year!

However, Syaoran… no, Syaoran couldn't help but think about the things that were bugging him, causing him problems… for the whole year….

And so, he decided to write a long e-mail to his main problem – his **_sex_** life.

**&--------------------------------------------------&**

To _My Dearest Wife Sakura_,

During the past year, I have attempted to make tender love to you **365 times**. I have succeeded **36 times**, which is an average of only **once** every 10 days, honey. This is utterly shameful and really bad to my all-powerful male ego. So, the following is a list of why I didn't succeed screwing you more often:

We will wake our lovely brats – **54 times**

It's too damn late, when I come home from work – **21 times**

I'm too fucking tired with the Li Clan and Empire – **42 times**

It's too bloody early in the morning – **12 times**

It's too hot during the morning, day and night – **9 times**

You are pretending to be asleep – **18 times**

Our neighbours, family and friends – _Damn, Hiiragizawas!_ – will hear us and try to '_film_' us – **31 times**

Headache, backache, or any 'ache' – **26 times**

Keroberos and his '_pudding addict_'! Then Spinnel with his '_drunkenness by eating sweet things_'! – **15 times**

Your _AWFUL_ brother – Touya – will hear us – **19 times**

You are not in the mood – **14 times**

Watching a late night show with Tomoyo – **26 times**

You are training with the Sakura Cards and the Guardians – **10 times**

New hairdo, make over from Tomoyo, or any 'makeover' – **7 times**

Wrong time of the month – **17 times**

You have to go to the bathroom – **8 times**

Of the 36 times that I **DID** succeed, the result was not always satisfying me because **6 times** you just laid there, **8 times** you reminded that there was a crack in the ceiling, **4 times** you told me to hurry up and get it over with, **7 times** I had to wake up to tell you I was finished, and **once** I was afraid that I had hurt you because you started thrashing around and breathing heavy.

Let's try to improve this, shall we babe?

Love, _Your 'Little Wolf'_

**&--------------------------------------------------&**

A beautiful woman was sitting on her huge king sized bed with a laptop settled right on top her crossed longs smooth legs. Her forest green emerald jewelled eyes were closing tiredly, while her soft golden auburn brown, shiny shoulder length hair rested lazily on her head.

Sakura Li yawned in exhaustion, waiting for her lovely hubby to come home. She was just about to close her e-mail account, when she suddenly saw an e-mail flash up on her screen and silently, yet curiously Sakura began to read….

A few minutes passed, where Sakura sat in total silence, read it over and over, and over again marvelled at her gorgeous man… but then… she burst out laughing! '_Oh, Syaoran… my 'Little Wolf'._' She smiled sweetly, shaking her head softly in amusement, and then feeling naughty as a bad schoolgirl – Sakura started to reply her husband's courageous e-mail….

**&--------------------------------------------------&**

To _My Dearest Husband Syaoran,_

I think you got things are a little confused, my darling. Here are the **REAL** reasons you didn't get more sex than you did this year:

You came home with a spell on yourself – _Eriol's fault._ – and tried to screw Touya – **23 times**

You did not come home at all, and I would find you asleep against your desk at work – **36 times**

You did not '_come'_ during finishing making love – **21 times**

You '_came'_ too soon while making love– **38 times**

Your penis went soft before you got it in – **19 times**

Our lovely children, _NOT_ brats wanted to play with you and have your devoted attention – **16 times**

Working too late – **33 times**

You were doing intense training in the gym or back garden – **29 times**

You caught your penis in your zipper – **21 times**

You chased Kero and Spinnel around the mansion all night – **15 times**

You were enjoying eating chocolate instead – **8 times**

Your lovely hyper sisters and Meiling were chasing you all over Hong Kong – **12 times**

You had to go away on business around the world – **42 times**

You '_came'_ in your boxer shorts after reading a dirty book – **16 times**

The reason I laid still was because you had missed me and were screwing the sheet instead. You seemed to be having a good time and I didn't want to move and spoil it for you. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling – there _isn't_ any! What I said was, "Would you like me on my back or kneeling?" The time I was thrashing around and gasping was when you farted and I was fighting for air.

So, maybe you can work on your '_shortcomings_', darling?

P.S. We'll talk about all of this later… come home, sweetheart….

Love, _Your 'Cherry Blossom'_

**&--------------------------------------------------&**

Syaoran read the e-mail his beautiful Sakura sent him from home. He was looking at the screen, shocked and stunned. '_Oh, man…._' He groaned in embarrassment, rolling his dark eyes to the ceiling. '_Damn those 'shortcomings'!_''

* * *

**He he… 'Evil Smirks'**

**Tell me what you think! And review! Lol! XD**

**I hope you enjoyed that… :)**

**Love, MzEvilBlossoms xxx ;D**

**P.S. I PROMISE TO UPDATE MY STORY, 'The Other Man' REAL SOON! YAY! XXX **

**LOVE YOU ALL:D **

**P.S.S REVIEW! X**


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